Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Kool Aid and Cookies

Here's my first entry.  It's kinda long, twss, but I promise you it's worth the read.  To clarify, I had no intention of causing physical harm to the textee.  I was just hung over and bored and felt like messing with him. Also, I am not racist, aka n/r.

Every post without a slash is BT, Every post with a slash is me(Melanie).  Every Italicized post is me explaining myself to the reader

Dec 15, 2010 8:27 pm
Hi its me B
-B who?
-You have the wrong number I think
I just talked to you on fb
-This is TT

Initially, I was just gonna let it go, but then he texted me again, what an idiot.

Dec 18, 2010 12:03 pm
Is Melanie there
-She’s blowing me, text back in 10
-Ok here she is
-What’s going on?
Nm I kissed Katie yesterday
-O ya?! How was it?
Lol shes a good kisser
-haha nice, have you talked to her since?
Yea I called her last night
-Nice are you guys gonna hang today?
-Omg, you should buy her flowers!
No Monday
-How did you kiss her? Did you just go for it? Or did you talk about it or something and then do it lol
Im going to befor school starts
-Good idea, she’ll like those for sure…how long did you kiss her for?
6 seconds
-Yay! Did she say anything afterwards? Or did she just kinda smile and stuff
-Aww that’s cute..was it her first time?
-Was it yours?

Haha wow, I did not see this one coming.  This is most likely some kid, my guess is 12-15.  Idk when kids start kissing these days. Also, it seems the blowjob comment went right over his head.  It could be someone really religious tho or some old dude who likes kissing young chicks? idk  It's impossible to determine at the moment

I kinda switch up my language here a little bit.  If I continued to talk in complete,  grammatically correct sentences, there's no way BT would believe I'm some younger girl, because that's who he probably thinks I am? idk...notice the AlTeRnAtInG lettering.  

-Wat r u doin tOdAy?
Nothing really
-Do U wanna do something?
Like wut
-Idk watch tv or something, I kinda wanna get out of my house
Were ur boyfriend
-Idk he’s got some family thing to do or something
-Yea…so I’m just really bored
I am to
-well do you wanna do something
Let me see if I can get a ride
Nvm cant going to my cousins house
-Ok do you wanna hang out lata tonite?
Sure if idont fall asleeo therf
-How late u gonna b out?
Like 4hours
-O that’s not to bad…do they live far
-ok well text me when your done and maybe we can watch a movie or something

So here we find out that I (Melanie) have a boyfriend.  We find out that BT can't drive.  This could be for many reasons a) he's too young to have a license b) he has a suspended license, DUI, speeding, etc c) he has no legs, so he cant drive...

Dec 18, 2010 2:49 PM
-ugh I’m so bored…hows your cousins?
Good they mean though
Uh this is so boring
-Why they mean? How old are they?
15 16 17 14 and they tried jumping me

Here's where I start to think that BT is black, or a white kid who acts black.  Normally, white people do not use the word 'jump' like BT did.  I try to throw in subtle comments/stereotypes throughout the convo, you'll see

-Lol why’d they try jumping you
Cuz I threw a snowball and ran
-haha did u at least hit one of them with the snow ball
Yea the 17 year old
-lol awesome! In the face?
It was an accident
-Lol he was probably pissed…did u get in trouble?
No he chased me he grabed my coat and then I got out and ran even faster
-Your really fast for out running a 17 year old, or was he fat haha
-Yum! My mom is getting fried chicken for dinner

Black people are fast, so if BT out ran his cousin, maybe BT is black?  Also I tried talking about fried chicken to see how excited he got...he was unresponsive

He weighs 140 pounds
-Thats a lot fo of lolz, lol
Sorry my hpone sucks it wouldnt send
-Lol its ok…are you eatin dinner there tonite?
-Ok what are you gonna eat? Is it better than my fried chicken lol
No were having chiken mash potatos kool aid and cookies

I'm about 75% sure this kid is black now.  He states that his meal is not better than my fried chicken and he's having Kool Aid and cookies for dinner, it doesn't get much blacker than that, but he could just be poor or something...n/r...I wish he had said purple drank, but he didn't.

I kinda wanted to make him go somewhere, like my (melanie's) house or some place in the area.  I (the author) thought about telling him to meet me somewhere and then do a fake kidnapping, but I guess there are some legal issues with that, also, he is most likely black, so hate crime...n/r...Since I (the author) didn't really want to physically meet him somewhere, my plan was to just keep telling him to go to random places and then make some excuse for why I (Melanie) wasn't there.

-Yum! Well text me when your done and we can hang out maybe
-Lol your phone is crazy

Dec 18, 2010 4:48 PM
Im not gonna come today im at the hospital
-O no! R u ok?
-Which hospital?!
My cousin slipped on ice he bleeding
Saint alexis in elk grove
He broke his wrist and he got staples in his head
Idk wut ima do this whole week
-O no! I hope he’s ok…well we can hang out another day if u want :)
-maybe, I will let u no
Alright so y were u giving that kid a bj?

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, I thought it went way over his head when I first said it, but I guess not.  I was literally laughing for a good five minutes.  Then I had to think of an excuse...

Dec 18, 2010 5:48 Pm
-!?!?!Wat?!?! My stupid cousin prob used my phone again…what else did he say?!?! He prob deleted them from my phone
-Sorry lol
Alright so y were u giving that kid a bj?

Lol then he asks about it again.  Also, he sent me some really weird forwards.  There's one below that's pretty dumb.  I didn't send it back...whoops...

Make sure your volume is up! Keep reading down. =] If you care about me you will read the whole thing..What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow, and you never got to tell them how you felt? So I just wanted to say; “Even if I never talk yo you again in my life…You’re special to me..>And you’ve made a difference in my life. I look up to you, respect and truly cherish you.  Send this to all your friends no matter how much you talk to them or how close you are.  Send it to the person who sent it to you. Let old friends know you haven’t forgotten about them. Tell new ones you never will. Remember everyone needs a friend. Gaz :P

-I wasn’t I promise…and that was cute :P
Lol oh
-Have you gotten one before?
-Ive never given sounds weird
Ik idk y im even asking

Awkward is right, probably not the best thing to talk about with a kid who could possibly be a minor, but o well.  Chris Hansen might be pounding on my door soon, but most likely not...I hope

-It’s ok lol
Yea well cant do anything with Katie this week
-U cant?
-Im confused at wat u just said
Wut I said
-Yea well cant do anything with Katie this week
Oh yea she got in trouble
-O no! Shes crazy sometimes
I dont think we would last

This last text makes me think that he is starting to like me (Melanie).  I can't believe that this kid really believes its me...For a while, I thought someone was messing with me just like I'm messing with them, but that thought quickly left my mind.  This kid is really dumb...n/r..., which makes it more believable imo

Dec 18, 10:16 PM
Have u ever fallen in love? A few years ago this girl named Rosalinda fell in love with a boy named Christian.  1Day she gathered all her courage she had and asked him out to the movies. The boy hesitated for a moment then said yes. On the following weekend the couple went to watch a scary movie, they were closer to each other than ever. After a few months Rosalinda died in a horrible car accident while she was driving to Christians house. She really loved him. Im Rosalinda and im going to give u a choice. Im going to make your crush falls in love with u ONLY if you send this to 10 boys or girls. I wish u luck…if u don’t forward this ill get super mad at u for not listening to me…I will literally kill u so watch out when you to the bathroom at night if u no ur not going to send this forward..GoodBy_CHARLIE BROWN HIGH LIFE

Another random fwd...I haven't gone to the bathroom at night since...I start to think he's messing with me

Dec 19, 2010 5:47 AM
-:)…I fell asleep a while ago and woke up to find your really cute text…:P

Dec 19, 2010 10:18 AM

FUCK!! I wake up and I have a missed call from him.  I think for sure the gig is up because my VM says "Hi you've reached 'my name', please leave a message"

Dec 19 12:43 PM
-Sorry I missed your call earlier…we should hang out today? :)
Where at
-Idk u decide
I cant I got in trouble
-:( wut happened
I yelled at my dad
-:( r u grounded? I really wanted to see u today :( :( :(…wut about tomarrow?
Im grounded till the 21st

Now I'm starting to think he's messing with me.  I mean he had to have heard my VM right?. He's still talking to me though, so idk what to think...maybe he thinks its my (melanie's) cousin?

This sucks ima sneak out
-:( wait don’t sneak out yet…I have to go Xmas shopping w my mom first

Now if I were a child molester this would be a dream come true.  I could easily have met him somewhere and kidnapped him and his parents would never know where he went or who he went to see.  Good thing I'm not a weirdo.

-Maybe ill get u sumthing :)
:) u don’t have to
But thanx any way
-Mayb ill surprise u
Dont waste money on me
-it wouldnt b a waste 4 u :)
Yea it would
-Lol ok nvm then…gross, my cousin is smoking menthol cigarettes

No reaction, maybe he doesn't know what menthols are?  Maybe he's not as black as I thought

Lol question
-Hes over all the time, I cant stand it…wuts ur questions
Oh and do u like me its ok if u do just tell the truth cause I had a dream that u like me a lol
-:) I really like u, like a lot, I was so jealous when u told me u kissed Katie please don’t tell my Bf…do u like me? Its ok if u don’t I understand if u like Katie

I couldn't resist. Also, I think he's messing with me, so I'm messing right back.

Yea really do and for some reason I dream about u
Wut about her
Wut about her
-Wut were we doing in the dream? :)…idk wut to do about her, we might have to keep our love a secret
Umm kissing and then we held and etc
-:) that makes me happy…I hope we can do that in real life
-Hooray! Were going shopping and buying watermelon! Nom Nom Nom lol

He doesn't really react.  My black meter must be off

Oh well that sucks
-Wut sux? Watermelon?
That me and u cant dare cause were dateing some one
-lol ur phone is so weird…well ill break up w him for u…
No don’t
-idk wut to do, I really have feelings for u
Dont do that
-Im sorry, im so embarrassed
Its ok
-please don’t tell ne one
I wont u have my word
-Thank u, ur so nice I wish we could b together
I do to but we cant
-:( im so embarrassed
-idk, I told u how I really feel and now we cant b together :(
Don’t be embarrassed
-Ok I wont…I wish u weren’t grounded :(
I wish I wasn’t either
-:( I really want that dance game for xbox 360m would u dance w me if I got it for Xmas? Ur prob a great dancer
Trust me I suck at dancing ask every one in my family

Bad dancer = not black

-Well I could teach u :)…that game looks so fun!
Hehe that would be fun
-;) wats ur favorite band?
If you mean rock songs green day and lnkin park
-Wut about rap?
-I like green day too :)
Um lil wayne drake and Eminem

Well he likes bands that everyone likes I guess.  If he had said NWA and Petey Pablo it would be a different story

-Do u like Justin beiber? Lol
-haha hes so cute
-Cool…yum I just ate some left over fried chicken…r u jealous

Well he's jealous, so maybe he is black after all.  For the record, I(the author) do not think Justin Bieber is cute

Lol yea
Lol yea
-Nom Nom Nom
Ur funnx
Ur funnx
-Have u ever been to waffle house?
-Waffle house?
That’s ihop
-Waffle house
Ok well yea I have
Who u dateing any way

Lol idk how he doesn't catch all these.  But he's never been to Waffle House, so maybe he's not black.  Idk what to think at this moment, parts of me think he's actually who he says he is, the other part of me thinks hes just messing with me

Also, he asks me a very tough question, I feel like he's testing me, but then again, he doesn't seem that smart...n/r...idk what to say so I wait an hour and then respond

Dec 19, 2010 4:43 PM
-:( I just broke up with him
-He was being a jerk
Dose  he go to our school
-I don’t wanna talk about it, it’s too painful
K Hugs

Dodged a bullet there haha

Dec 19, 2010 5:00 pm
If you want ill break up with Katie for u
If you want ill break up with Katie for u
If you want ill break up with Katie for u

Dec 19, 2010 5:20 pm
Mel talk plz
-Sorry I just got out of the shower…I need more time, I just got out of a relationship
Oh ok
-My phones gonna die, I’ll text you later tonight

Haha wow, this kid is gonna break up with his gf for me (melanie).  I (the author) kinda start to feel bad.  Idk if I wanna ruin this kids life...on the other hand, it would be really really really really really a sad and twisted way...but maybe I'm just an asshole

Dec 19, 2010 11:15pm
-I got in trouble :( my mom tok my phone away…I cnt text for a few days, ill let u no when I get it back
Fml k

I caved, I couldn't do it.

Dec 19, 2010 11:43pm
-Also u have the wrong number…I’ve been pretending to be Melanie for the past few days, but now I;m starting to feel bad, don’t break up with Katie…sorry for having fun at your expense, but I did tell you straight out you had the wrong number, so idk what you were thinking haha…have a good life, stay in school, and don’t do drugs…I mean you no harm and do not intend on contacting you further…please delete this number from your phone…be careful when texting, there’s a lot of creeps out there…happy holidays!!
-O also, are you African American?
-I knew it! Please delete me from your phone…thanks

I had to ask, I needed closure.

Who r u?
Who r u?
-Just some chick, I live in zion
Zion wtf
Zion wtf
-Ya I go to mt Zion…man I’m happy to be on break
-Nvm..why are you still talking to me hahaha
Y r u
-I’m bored haha..did Melanie give you this number?
-Haha have you talked to the real Melanie since we started talking
-Haha did you really think it was Melanie the whole time? Sorry…

Haha he's either a genius for making me believe that it's a real person on the other side or an idiot for believing me, probably the latter...n/r

-my bad haha…you gotta be careful texting dude
-You remember me forever, I did not say fuckin

Dane Cook reference, he didn't get it...but I laughed 

-Is your cousin ok?
-Cool, welp it was nice talking to you…if you feel like chatting ever just send me a text

I actually accidentally texted him the other day, but he didn't respond...hopefully he'll send me a text one day...I'd love to pretend to be a high school chick from Zion haha

Texting with Strangers

So the other day this person texted me thinking I was someone else.  I decided to go with it and hilarity ensued.  So I decide to start a blog.  I haven't decided if I want to solicit stories by purposely texting wrong numbers or if I just wanna wait for people to text me.  Time will tell.